The MJ tab I never closed

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Michael Jackson has been living rent-free in my head and honestly, he's welcome.

I don't know what triggered it, but for the past couple of weeks, Michael Jackson has been constantly on my mind. Not in a concerning way, just in that soft, nostalgic way where someone from your childhood suddenly comes back and you remember exactly why you loved them.
He was a big part of my growing up. Not obsessively so. I wasn't cutting out magazine photos or putting up posters or anything but his music was just there, woven into so many moments I can't quite name anymore. And okay, I'll admit it: I had the tiniest little celebrity crush on him. Especially during the Bad and Dangerous era. He was so foine and so magnetic and I was just a kid who didn't fully understand why I couldn't stop watching his music videos. Now I do. Moving on.

I never believed the worst things people said about him. He was undeniably a weirdo, but I always felt like his strangeness came from somewhere sad. Like someone who never really got to be a child is desperately trying to build one for himself. He was out of place in his own time, I think. The world didn't quite know what to do with him.

I still wonder sometimes what it would look like if he were still here. What music he'd be making. What he'd think of the world now. It's one of those losses that doesn't fully land until you sit quietly with it.
What does make me a little sad is that even now, people are still arguing over his estate, his legacy, his money. He's been gone since 2009 and he still can't rest. There's something heavy about that.
But then I go back to the music, and everything lifts a little.

I binged his old music videos recently and I have to say, Dirty Diana and In The Closet are completely different experiences as an adult. My childhood self was absorbing things she had absolutely no context for. I'm both proud of and concerned about her.

I'm waiting for the biopic to come to streaming. I already know I'm going to sing every word and probably tear up at least once, and I'm completely at peace with that.
This is my Roman Empire and I will not apologize for it.

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