Errin 404: Brain Not Found

No one told me that love would lowkey ruin me this many times. Multiple failed relationships, one unrequited obsession that lived rent-free in my head for way too long, a whole ass marriage that crashed and burned, and I'm currently sitting in that special kind of hell where someone you love needs his space, but he can take as long as he needs (I'm positive he would do the same thing if I ever need my own me time). Well, living the dream, honestly. Here's what the damage taught me. I wish I could go back in time to reprogram my brain. Or at the very least, sit my younger self down and say " Dude, no, don't do dat ." But since time travel isn't a thing yet, here's the next best option, a fucking list. 1. Love is just not enough. This is the one that broke my whole worldview, ngl. Younger me deadass thought being in love = happily ever after. No notes, no asterisks, just sparks fly and fireworks forever. Cute. Delulu, but cute. Then reality p...

My sister did the ancestry DNA test. Yes, the expensive one. The one that costs like a whole lot of cash, which I absolutely do not have.  But here's the thing, we're sisters. We share 50% DNA. So technically her results are also 50% my results. That's just science. I am tumpang-ing this result, and nobody can stop me.  So anyway...  Apparently, we're 40%+ Vietnamese and Chinese, which is okay, makes sense lah based on how we look.  No, no, wait, how I LOOK . My sister tu lain cerita. But me? The number of times random people came up and started talking to me in Mandarin, like full confidence, full speed, and I just stood there smiling like a bloody idiot while my brain was trying to decide whether to respond in Klingon or pretend I was invisible. Then also 20%+ South Asian and Indian, which my dad has literally been telling us our whole lives, but somehow seeing it in a graph hits different. Like, okay, abah , you were right, sorry for not listening.  And then...

Intro Since the awareness of mental health issues has grown these past few years, there are people who are also using their bad behavior on their own fucked up brain. Apparently, self-diagnosis delulu is pretty much trululu these days. I have been diagnosed with several mental health issues for three years. I can see more coming, but my psychiatrist told me, “ Kita tackle the issues satu satu ok? ” Haha, I guessed I’m fucked anyway, mentally and physically. There are so many facets of me being mentally fucked and having the inability to align intention with actions. The issues Okay, for the million Ringgit question: If I make multiple mistakes and all I can think to do is apologize and just do my best next time, then IS THAT ALL I can do to take accountability/responsibility for my disability? My mental disability means that no therapy or a bloody sertraline can get rid of these symptoms. Hell, people will always judge, and I dgaf about other people. But what if my actions are hurting ...

Is it better to speak up or to shut up? Honestly, it depends on how much energy you have to fight for your life that day.  If you stay quiet when someone cuts the queue or parks like an absolute idiot, you’re an enabler. But the second you open your mouth? Boom . You’re instantly labeled a 'Karen' or a busybody makcik. You're trapped in this toxic limbo between being a spineless coward or the villain of the day. The "damned if you do, damned if you don't "trap. Let's call it out: people who do stupid things love weaponizing the "Karen/Makcik" label. It’s a cheap defense mechanism. They use social shame to make you feel like the bad guy for reacting, instead of them acknowledging that they created the mess in the first place.  Umm, excuse me, if your nonsense is directly ruining my day, I’m not a busybody, I'm just trying to protect my remaining sanity. But usually, we don't even fight. We use the ultimate coward strategy: "I’ll jus...